The difficulties of pursuing a passion

Pursuing your passions is hard. And while this is true in pursuing a passion as a profession, that’s not exactly what I mean. Maybe it’s better say that it’s hard to enjoy your passions.

I’m one of those people whose interests change constantly. I could be fixating on something day and night, but once I’ve spent some time with them, my interest wanes and I move on. The only outliers in this pattern have been drawing and writing. They’re the hobbies I know will stick with me, and I’d consider them my greatest passions. In fact, one of my biggest dreams is to be a novelist. 

However, while I say this, I only reach for my pen to draw a couple times a month; when it comes to writing, even less so. 

Ironically, this blog was supposed to be an outlet for my writing, but I’ve struggled to open a document and “just start writing,” as people around me always say. Well, here we go. I’m finally writing… about struggling to write.

Weird, I know. I call them my passions, but can hardly bring myself to, you know, be passionate about them. Is it fear? Maybe lack of interest? Or maybe something else. To be honest, I can’t be sure. It’s frustrating for sure, but above all, it leaves me curious.

Funnily enough, I’m in a program that requires me to write constantly. Essays upon essays upon–well, you get it. What I’m trying to say is, why can’t I write things I actually want to write about, but writing an academic essay on, say, Thomas Hobbes’ Leviathan comes naturally?

If you find yourself feeling similar, maybe this will help you sort things out. If not, well, maybe it will help me. 

Let’s talk about the advice, just start.

A little annoying, right? That’s how it feels to me at least. “It’s not that easy,” I think. At the same time, I can’t deny its validity. It’s annoying, but it’s true. No matter how much I want to deny it, it’s true. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t put something out. 

Start small. Even if it’s just a single sentence, or a single word, a small step is still a step. You can’t write a book without writing a sentence first, and you can’t write a sentence without words. Something is greater than nothing. Bit by bit, those small things will build up and eventually, will become a big thing. Eloquent, I know.

I know “doing it later” is a really easy mindset to get into, but it will only stop you from ever starting anything. This is coming from a massive procrastinator, by the way. I even procrastinated writing this post, so much that it took me six months to write. Once I finally sat down and finally decided to commit, it felt like a weight off my shoulders. Like, wow, I can really do this.

Let’s start with fear. Fear to start? Well, if that’s what it is, what is it about starting that causes that fear? Fear of failure? Of disappointment? Of embarrassment? Or maybe it’ll make you realise you’re not as good as you thought you were. Maybe it’s one of these, maybe it’s none, maybe it’s all of the above. 

But if you fear failure, you will never succeed. Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. And I’m not going to say I disagree. I actually completely agree. The issue is, I find it difficult to follow through, even if I know I won’t get anywhere without putting myself out there. 

Sometimes, you just need to bite the bullet. It’s scary, I know. There’s always going to be that underlying fear that the bullet will wound you. There’s a chance it’ll cut, and it’ll bleed, and yes, it might hurt. But that’s all hypothetical. These things might happen. Is it really worth boxing away the opportunitiy to do what you love for a mere chance?

You don’t even know if these things you’re worrying about will happen. You don’t marry someone anticipating it might end in divorce. You don’t get on a bike thinking of all the ways you might fall off. Well, unless you do. Regardless, does that stop you from riding the bike?

And if it does end up hurting, that’s okay too. It’s just like anything else in life. You can’t live without getting hurt in some way or another. It sucks, but that’s just how things are sometimes. Maybe that hypothetical marriage did end in divorce. Maybe you did end up falling off that bike. But will it stop you from trying again, or will you get back up and give yourself another shot? That’s up to you. If you do, you’ll come out on the other side with cuts and bruises, but hey, you did it!

There’s no shame in wanting to be good at what you love; I’d be surprised if anybody felt otherwise. But no can always be good. Even the best make mistakes. They fail time and time again. Does that mean they’re no longer good? Of course not. What makes them great, however, is their willingness to try again.

So just give yourself the chance to start. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Chances are, it’s not going to be. But if you at least try, then you can be good, you can be great, you can be as close to perfect as someone can be. Make that nothing into something, and that something will guide you further.